FAQ
In July 2024 we announced that we are adopting! Here are some frequently asked questions;
How did this come to be? Total surprise announcement!
God had been working on our hearts for a while. I know it's a big surprise!
Why are you adopting?
Growing up I thought I'd adopt someday. Fast forward and we had three children and thought if we decided to have more children we would like to adopt. We actually looked into adopting after Logan, before Oakley. (So in between babies 3 and 4).
At that point, we looked into fostering first, and came to realize that in most cases, that child will be reunified with their birth parents. That's the goal with foster care. We didn't want to get our children attached to a child we didn't end up getting to adopt and for other reasons, we didn't feel like that was the path God had for us.
There is a need for foster families! It wasn't what path God led us down, and now we know it's because we were meant to have Oakley.
That being said, adoption had still been on our minds and we've prayed about it, gathered information about where the need was, and prayerfully moved forward with that.
Why adoption? And not another of your own?
As Christians, we are adopted into God's family through Jesus Christ, and we are excited to put our faith to action and adopt a child into our family. We've trusted God with growing our family and this is the path he has for us this time. As pro-life Christians, we want to support those who choose life. And, I also know what you mean, but also, this will be “another of our own” just joining our family in a different way.
Congratulations! Are you adopting in the US or international??
Thank you! Domestic adoption, so US!
How did you guys come to the decision?
Once we decided we could see ourselves adopting, and determined it was what God was asking us to do, we wrote down our questions and concerns and talked it over many, many times. I spoke with multiple consultants, agencies, and friends who have adopted.
Gathering information was an important first step!
Open or closed adoption?
Each situation is different and a lot depends on the expectant birth mom's preferences. Personally, because of the research that shows an open adoption has benefits to the adopted child, many agencies encourage adoptive families to agree to open adoption and we agree.
It helps children understand where they come from and they never need to wonder who their first family was if they already know.
An open adoption can also vary on what that looks like. It could mean yearly in-person visits, or could mean photos are sent from you to the agency to the birth mother, etc.
We want to do whatever is best for our child and honor the expectant mother’s wishes, so long as the relationship is healthy for everyone involved.
Where are you adopting from? We were told with 5 kids under 8, many agencies wouldn't let us.
We are working with a consultant so we had the opportunity to work with agencies nationwide and those agencies help expectant parents see a variety of hopeful adoptive families' profiles so they can choose to make an adoption plan with a family they envisioned their baby being raised by. She said already having 4 children isn't a problem. In fact, that may be what some expectant parents are looking for. Our consultant told me they just had a family match with an expectant mom and that family already has 8 children.
If you were told that I might look into another agency. We have been very happy working with Faithful Adoption Consultants.
Are you adopting a baby? Or an older child?
We started this journey open to whatever the Lord wanted for us. We wanted to know where the need was. As it turns out, there is a need for families to come alongside expectant mothers looking to make an adoption plan. So we were fairly certain we would be adopting a baby. Typically you match with an expectant mom while she is still pregnant. In rare cases, a baby will have recently been born when you get an opportunity to match. We are matched with a baby boy due in March 2025!
First of all CONGRATS! I'm happy for you. Is it an ext. family member?
Thank you! All of your warmth is so appreciated!
Not a family member. We created a profile book of our life, and it was viewed by expectant mothers/parents. When the brave expectant mother saw our profile and wanted her baby to be adopted by our family, that's considered a match!
Didn't know adoption cost anything/was so costly. Why would it cost if you're doing them a favor by taking the child?
The costs associated with adoption include home study fees, consultant fees, agency fees, legal fees, court fees, birth mother expenses, travel expenses, and more. So yes, we would be helping a birth mother by adopting her child, but everyone who helps along the way needs to be paid for their work in making everything legal.
It is free to adopt in Rhode Island from foster care, and probably many other states. But that's not the journey for us, as like I mentioned before, the goal of foster care is to care for the child until such time they can safely reunify with their birth family. It's not that adoption never happens, but it's a complicated process. Foster families- you are amazing! But adoptive families are needed too. This also allows children to be born into a loving and secure forever family from the start.
How long does the whole process take?
Our contract with our consultant is for 18 months and they said 90% of their clients match within that time. We matched just one month after going active! That was after 2 months of paperwork, and completing the necessary background checks and adoption training, and another month to get home study approved (we did that step SUPER fast). The average time it takes to match is 9-12 months and the baby is usually born within 6 weeks. We matched in one month but will wait for five months for the baby boy to be born. It will be a 9 month process for us from start to finish, then 3 months until finalization, so really one year total. That is considered very quick. God's timing is perfect!
What is done in a homestudy for adoption?
They make sure you are a safe & suitable family to bring a child into. It feels like a lot of personal information, and it is, but I'm thankful we found a home study agency we are really comfortable with.
They need medical forms, state clearances, financial documents, identification documents,
autobiographies, adoption education, in-person visits, and certain requirements for safety at your house.
Do you have "criteria" like gender, race, etc? How does that work?
Our client contract had boxes we could check across the board, anywhere from parent's medical history, to their ethnicity, etc. We chose to keep most situations "open" meaning we considered each potential match as a case by case basis and said yes to any case we felt like God wanted for us. We weren't particular about details like ethnicity. Some expectant parents have preferences too.
So happy for you guys!
Thank you so much! We are too!
I do want to make something clear though because I already got a message from someone saying that they can't share in our happiness because they feel like we're celebrating a mother having to give up her child.
Because of a broken world, adoption has to happen in some cases. We would never pretend that it wasn't a heartbreaking situation too.
Good care for the expectant mother is a priority for us and the agency we are working with. No one is forcing anyone to make an adoption plan and the expectant mother had full say in who she wanted to match their baby with. Expectant mothers always have the right to change their mind until papers are signed after the baby is born. In the meantime, we are supporting the expectant mother we matched with and we sympathize with her. We are celebrating that she chose life for her baby. She's loving her child so much that she is willing to do what is best for her child. She's a brave and selfless woman and we will make sure she knows that. Please remember this is her choice. She approached the agency and they fully made sure this was what she wanted with no pressure on her.
If people were unwilling to adopt, these mothers would be alone in their situations, but instead, like in our case, we are partnering with her to give her baby the life she wants for him by choosing us to be his future family. We already love this expectant mother we are matched with and will continue to as she becomes a special part of our family too. We are so glad we can be there to support her in the way she needs.
Adoption is beauty from ashes. That's what we are celebrating.